Grateful to be finished remodeling.

I started this project 7 weeks ago. I am sooooo grateful to be finished

Previous owners junk in the "craft room"

Previous owners "Noah's Ark" room

Starting the demolition of the craft room

Ready for guests-- walls really aren't this yellow and carpet is NOT pink

Ready for guests

Door to new storage area-- former craft room

New storage room

Grateful for paint rollers.

Noah's Ark room -- previous owners

Clutter of Previous Owner

When I moved in to my house there was this room in the basement that was pretty non-functional. On the left of a weight bearing wall was what I call the "craft" room. Countertops good for only collecting junk. On the right is what I called the "Noah's Ark" room. The colors were awful, the photos don't do it justice.

This shows the true colors better

 
 The carpet smelled like urine, so I pulled it all out. The room (sans carpet) has been the home of my treadmill for nearly 12 years.

I finally decided it was time to make this a liveable room. 

I thought it would take a couple of weekends.

Boy was I wrong.

I started by tearing out the countertops. It was good therapy for any frustrations I had-- taking a hammer and pounding hard.

My brother came down and closed off the "Craft room," installed a door and moved a light.

Then I trimmed out the ceiling, baseboards and corners with primer.

And then I put on a coat of primer on the walls.

And then another coat of primer on the walls.

And then finally the wall paint and baseboards painted.

And another coat of wall paint.

And more paint on the baseboards.

And a coat of ceiling paint.

And I still need to put another coat of paint on the ceiling.
And I need to put another coat of paint on the new door.

I am very grateful for paint rollers.

I am not grateful for dark paint I'm trying to cover. I even bought high end paint at Kwals.

Carpet comes this week.

Hope it all turns out.

Like most remodel jobs  it is taking more time and money than I first anticipated.

Life is good.

After I tore out the countertops.

Putting on the first coat of primer

Almost finished-- door to former "craft room" needs another coat of paint

Grateful for Family History

Last Sunday my dad called and asked if I would like to come teach his Sunday School class about family history and temple work.

Of course!! I love doing family history research and I love attending the temple.

My Friend Annie L.

Five years ago this week I started helping a friend with his family history. It was a gift, instead of flowers, when his father passed away. What I thought would be a few hours has turned in to 5 years and a lifetime passion. If I could quit my day-job I would be a full-time family history researcher. 

Maybe when I retire.

I have experienced miracles as I have searched to find these people. I've felt promptings from the other side of the veil. These people are real and they want to be connected together. I look forward to meeting them one day.

And of course it was great to spend Sunday dinner with my parents. My mom remarked that they had not seen me much lately.

I agreed. I told her that I thought life would slow down, but it hasn't.

She replied, "That's okay. When it slows down it isn't very fun."

I agree. But a little slower would be nice. Though most of my busyness lately has been of my own making. Trying to get some home remodeling projects before company comes for Thanksgiving. I'm on the countdown.... Hope I make it.

Life is good.

Grateful for Students

I received this email today from a former student. These are the rewarding days of teaching. Students at BYU are the best.

"Hello, you probably do not remember me for is it has been almost two years since we have last seen each other, so this will probably seem very out of the blue for you....I was in one of your classes my last semester at BYU. One of the days before finals I was in the Richards Building having a come apart about getting everything done in time to move across the country and complete my internship for graduation. I was having such and awful day and you came to me and asked if everything was alright and gave me words of encouragement and guidance. These last couple weeks I have been looking into going back to school and continuing my education so I have been pondering about a lot of things and that moment keeps entering my mind and I don't think I ever really thanked you for that, so thank you for being there as a faculty member and as a spiritual adviser which is such a wonderful benefit of attending at BYU. I hope things are wonderful with you as we begin this Holiday season."

Life is Good.

Grateful for Sunshine

"There is Sunshine in My Soul Today"

Sunshine is good for Dr. T's soul.

It is November 12 and the temperatures are in the 60s. I am walking during lunch, outside, in my shirtsleeves. Maybe two more days of "hooky weather" before the winter temperatures settle in.

Life is Good. So good!

Grateful For Moms

Today I am grateful for the "moms" in my life.

I am grateful for my grandmothers. I didn't know them well since we lived far away while growing up. But I still feel their influence through my parents lives.

My maternal grandmother once told my mother-- "you will never know how much I love you until you have a girl of your own." My mother is the best!

I am grateful for my sister and sisters-in-law. They are all amazing women. I am particularly grateful today for Ms. G. She had major surgery today to remove breast cancer. I've been praying for her constantly since July when she was diagnosed. She is a fabulous mother to two wonderful nieces.

Life Is Good.

Grateful A- Z

Today in Primary the kids received a piece of paper where they were to write their temporal blessings-- one for each letter of the alphabet. I thought I'd see if I could identify 26 unique things for which I am grateful. Here goes--

A to Z

A- Art. It makes the world just a little more beautiful. Looking forward to seeing the new exhibit at the BYU Museum of Art this month-- all religious art.
B- Bathrooms.
C- Car.
D- Dishes. Though I am avoiding washing them right now while I write this.
E- Electricity. It only takes a few hours without it to realize how much you depend upon it.
F- Furnace--to heat my home in the winter.
G- Garage-- to store my car (and some other stuff).
H- Hot Water!
I- An iron to iron my clothes, though it is my least favorite domestic task.
J- Jumper cables-- for when my car battery dies.
K- Kleenex tissues. I use a lot with this allergy thing I have going.
L- Lights. It is really dark so early now--by the time I get home from work; grateful for lights to see
M- Mattresses to sleep on; no camping for me
N- Neighbors. I live in a great neighborhood.
O- Ovens. I love to bake.
P- Pearls. I feel fancy when I wear them.
Q- Quilts to keep me warm at night.
R- Refrigerators to keep food cold
S- Shoes. I love to walk so comfortable shoes are a must.
T- Toothbrushes. No explanation necessary.
U- Umbrellas--  to stay dry; I always carry one.
V- Views of the mountains from my backyard.
W- Windows to let the sunshine in; sure do wish I had some at my office-- hopefully soon.
X- Xerox (photocopy) machines. It's one of those things we take for granted, yet use it almost every day.
Y- BYU, nicknamed, The "Y" I am grateful for my job there.
Z- Zesters-- a great kitchen tool for oranges, lemons, nutmeg, and so forth.

Grateful for Orange Glo

I know this post sounds trivial, but I really am grateful for Orange Glo.

In my bathroom, I had a candle melting on a candle warmer. After I turned it off, my hand hit the glass container and I managed to spill  candle wax all over the bathroom counter, and it ran down the cupboard, and ended up all over the tile floor, the rug, the wall, and me.

I did not have time today for this. I  made two trips to Kwal for paint and supplies, painted a second coat of primer on the basement walls (after discovering the first coat was not enough to hide the blue and gold I am trying to cover), made a trip to Lowes for other supplies, raked 4 bags of leaves, attended the temple, and helped my brother finish up the remodel, used a jigsaw for the first time to cut a circle that will hopefully become a wheel for my Primary lesson tomorrow, and went grocery shopping for the essentials of bread, cereal, and milk. Whew, I am exhausted. I did not have time to clean up a candle mess.

Of course Google is the first place you go when you need to find an answer (well, it ties with my brother for most credible source for most things) and someone suggested lemon oil. I didn't have lemon oil, but I did have the bottle of Orange Glo.

If you ever spill candle wax, know that Orange Glo will clean it up in no time flat. Grateful that I had this under the sink and that it worked.

I haven't figured out how to get the wax out of my clothes. I may just throw the rug away and start over.

Life is good. Busy, but good.

Grateful for Ms. C

The last 2 1/2 years at BYU have been the best-- because my niece has been there. We attend devotional each Tuesday and go to dinner once a week.When I was the Relief Society president, she would come with me to some of our meetings and dinners. I invite her to events on campus when I need a partner. She comes over to my house on Sundays when we have BYU Cousin's dinner.

I look forward to this time with her; it's the highlight of my week. In some ways I wish we went to dinner every night-- not for the food, but for the company. She listens to me vent about work frustrations, indulges me as I talk about the bizarre dreams I have, and I ask her advice about things from a student's point of view.
 
I wish time would slow down. She will graduate and be off to bigger and better things much too soon.

I love her. So grateful she is at BYU.

Life is Good.

Grateful for BYU Devotionals

Every Tuesday at 11:05 I make the trek to the Marriott Center where I have the opportunity to attend a devotional or forum. The devotionals are religious based and the forums are more academic, usually by nationally-recognized speakers.

I didn't fully appreciate the value of Tuesday devotionals until I spent a year in ATL. Since then, I haven't missed attending, unless I was out of town. It is a great spiritual uplift in the middle of the week. And with the forum speakers I've been exposed to ideas and people I wouldn't have otherwise.

Almost 4 years ago I had the opportunity to speak at devotional. It was a stressful, yet rewarding experience. Just this last Sunday the bishop told me that during the young men's lesson that day someone brought up a story from my devotional talk-- it was about the time I was in Nauvoo and couldn't find my temple recommend. It made me happy to know that perhaps my talk was influential to a tiny degree.

Devotionals are fabulous.
Life is Good.

Grateful for Good Colleagues

Today I am grateful for good colleagues. I am blessed to work in a department where there is high collegiality (nearly all of the time). I can walk up and down the hall and talk to any one of them about research or teaching issues, or even Church related questions. They are genuinely good men and women who are striving to do their best to live the gospel of Jesus Christ and to be good professors.
I count them among my greatest blessings.

Grateful for Primary Music Leaders

It's been almost a year since I started teaching the children in Primary. My favorite part of Primary is singing time. We have an amazing music leader--Daphne. She puts forth so much effort to help the

children learn the songs. And since I don't know most of these songs either, she is teaching me. Every week I feel the Spirit when we sing about Jesus, Heavenly Father and other gospel topics.

Today we were singing a song entitled "Children All Over the World." The words read, in part:

"All over the world at the end of day
Heavenly Father's children kneel down to pray,
Each saying thank you in his own special way...
Our Heavenly Father hears them, He understands each tongue.
Our Heavenly Father knows them, He loves them, everyone."

Though I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers our prayers-- I've known this for a very long time-- today the Spirit testified to me again that Heavenly Father HEARS EVERY PRAYER. Every word I utter, God hears. There are times when I don't think I pray as though God is listening; sometimes it is just habit to say the same things. And sometimes my requests lack sincerity-- maybe because I am not sure that I really believe that I deserve what I am asking for.

I am grateful for Primary songs that testify of truth.
I am grateful for prayer. 
I am grateful for the opportunity to repent and be better.

Life is Good.

Grateful for Siblings

Several weeks ago when the cousins were over for dinner, as part of our discussion I made the comment that even after you are married, you still need your girl-friends. As Marjorie Hinckley said, "it is a sociological fact that women need other women." 

Someone responded-- "I really don't want girlfriends- I just want my sisters."

I've thought a lot about that statement.

I only have one sister, not 3, 4 or 5. I know several women and consider them my friends. But I'd have to say that my sister is my best friend.

She's happy for me when I have good fortune come my way. She understands when I am having a grumpy day. She sends me care packages "just because." She listens to me vent. She is the Martha Stewart help-line when I am doing anything domestic. She reads talks or other correspondence that I have written and lets me know if it makes sense or if I am off-base. She lets me try to be a favorite aunt. She is a great travel partner. Her example as a wife and a mother inspires me. I love her.

I am also grateful for my older brother. I call him anytime that I need something fixed at my house. Sometimes it is a DIY call and I just need step-by-step directions. Other times he comes to my rescue. A couple of weeks ago my power went out. After about 17 phone calls in two days, we got the problem solved. It wasn't one he could fix, but he knew who to call and could tell me what to ask and how to proceed.

Right now he is helping me remodel a room in my basement. The room has been non-functional since I moved in 12 years ago. I have used it for my treadmill/exercise room and it has sufficed. But I've finally decided to partition it off and make storage and then a spare room. He's been great to come and do the work of framing, installing sheetrock, mudding, and moving the lightbox to a new location. He is immensely talented and I love him for being so generous with his time. And I also love that he too lets me try to be a favorite aunt.

Grateful for the Brown Brothers

I was elated to see this sight as I approached my house tonight.

I have too many trees with too many leaves; I've even removed at least seven fruit trees. I dread when the leaves start to fall. It takes me hours to rake them all. Raking leaves is a two-person job and there is one of me.

The other day I asked the boys who mow my lawn if they would be willing to rake my leaves. Mr. J said he would talk to his brothers. Today they came and bagged up all the leaves. SO GRATEFUL. I don't know how much money I owe them, but it will be worth every penny.

Too bad there are still leaves on the walnut tree.

Life is good.

Grateful for Extended Family

With all the Christmas decor and associated bling in the stores, you'd think that we were only a month away from Christmas. Talk about holiday creep. But no, a month from today is Thanksgiving. This is one of my favorite holidays because besides spending lots of money on food, there isn't anything commercial about the day.  Between now and November 28th I thought I'd try to write about one for which I am grateful. So here goes.

I am Grateful for Extended Family

Until I was 16 years old, I lived next door and in close proximity to my extended family (five "T" brothers and their wives/kids). As a result we share a unique bond that most people don't understand. We keep track of each other. When something happens (death, accident, engagement, mission call, etc.) the news travels like wildfire. And we genuinely enjoy being together. The bond has continued from the first cousins to the second cousins, and first cousins once removed (or whatever we are). We just say we are family-- because that's what we are.

Last night I had the BYU cousins over for dinner. I started this soon after I came to BYU, over 13 years ago. The group has grown since then. I had to build an addition to my house to accommodate everyone. I sincerely LOVE having them over for dinner and games. I look forward having them come. I LOVE these kids. A few people have moved away; one is now on a mission. Some will never move away :) We've scared off a few boyfriends. Some have married and added spouses to our group; others have added spouses and children.  I love them all. They fill my life with joy. So grateful that I have the opportunity to get to know them while they are here at BYU. We take a photo at the end of every evening. I display them in a collage on my wall.

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Last Wednesday my niece, Ms. C., and I attended a celebration dinner on BYU campus for all the recently promoted faculty. It was a lovely evening. The food was by Marvellous Catering and it was delicious-- beef tenderloin, garlic mashed potatoes with button mushrooms and gravy, asparagus spears, rolls, salad with cranberries, oranges and poppy seed dressing. The music was beautiful and VP Webb gave a short, inspiring message. The only black mark on the evening was a couple of comments that assumed every one there had a spouse. Um, no. That's why I took Ms. C with me. [would post pictures here, but don't have any]

Anyhoo. A lovely evening.

I came home and was on the computer doing some online banking paying my bills. The lights started to flicker like they were going to go out. I grabbed a flashlight just in case. The lights continued to flicker before they finally went off.

I walked downstairs and checked the circuit breakers. Nothing. Reset them anyway. Nothing. But I still had lights in the basement. Hum....

I called my brother. That's what I always do when something goes wrong at my house. He didn't answer. After four text messages and phone calls I texted my niece, asking if he was already in bed. Yep. He had been working the night shift, so was already sawing logs.

So I called the next smartest person I know- my brother-in-law. He was at a church meeting and not home yet.

By this time, it is nearly 10 p.m. and I know that nothing is going to get solved that night.

There were about three outlets working upstairs, so I got an extension cord and plugged my refrigerator in to one and my freezer in to another one. I also started the pilot light on the gas log on my fireplace, hoping the fan had electricity and would turn on.

A little after 10 my brother-in-law called. We still couldn't solve the mystery.

The next morning I called my brother. The Reader's Digest version is that after several phone calls, Mr. Sparky, an electrical company was going to come out to look at my problem between 2-4 p.m. I made at least 12 phone calls to my brother that day-- and probably that many text messages too.

I had to go to the office for a faculty meeting. I did the manual release on my garage door and headed to work.

Mr. Sparky called and said they could be there earlier. We met at 1:00. It didn't take them long to diagnose that the problem was with the ground wire. That required Rocky Mountain Power to come for a visit.

Rocky Mountain Power showed up about 5:00 and had the repair done by 7 p.m. The problem was a nicked wire (probably when my neighbor dug fence posts last summer) which caused the wires to corrode. This resulted in me having power to only one of the three legs (positive, negative, neutral) going in to my house.

When Mr. Sparky examined my breaker box outside my house they informed me that it needed to be replaced for safety reasons. The breaker box I had was from Federal Pacific, which went out of business in the 70s mainly due to law suit from lies when they developed their products and they weren't safe. And my A/C was wired to that breaker and it really needed its own breaker. And the three the legs were exposed at the bottom of the box- another hazard. So $2K later I had power back and a new breaker box.

I'm telling myself it could have been worse. The wires could have been under my deck and I would have had to tear up my deck. Or they could have had to tear up my new lawn. Or the power surge could have fried my computer. Instead it only fried my modem. A trip to Best Buy and $50 later I had a new modem and internet access.

Friday evening I texted my niece about the BOOMshakalaka going on at campus. When she responded, I couldn't read her message because my trusty flip phone had died. Literally. I opened it and it fell apart. I tried fixing it, but it just came disconnected. Died.

The one bright thing in the week was that while I waited for the electricians to do their work on Thursday I decided to write down all the phone numbers in my cell phone. I don't have a SIM card so I knew that when I eventually get a new phone the numbers wouldn't be able to be replaced. And I was thinking that sometime in the near future I'd need a new phone. I just didn't want it to be this week. REALLY---timing couldn't be worse. So I am grateful that I followed the prompting to write down the phone numbers. 140 people with multiple numbers. I wouldn't know how to get in touch with anyone. I just press "dial" and the phone calls. A downside to technology.

Saturday morning I am down to the cell phone store as soon as it opens.  A few hundred $dollars$ later and I have a new iphone.

I think I am the only person in the world who is upset that they now have an iphone. I am in mourning over losing my trusty flip phone. It did what I needed it to do. Life was good. Though I admit there have been a few days when I wished I had a smart phone-- like Thursday when my power and internet connection were out and I couldn't email my students telling them I wouldn't be in class that day.

I know I will eventually get used to it. But for now I am grumpy.

The week did end well. Saturday night I met my family in SLC at a nice restaurant to celebrate life. I had wanted to take everyone out to celebrate my promotion, but about the time I found out last May my mom got really sick. And then my sister-in-law started chemo for breast cancer. Timing wasn't working.

Then one day I realized it was the 10-year anniversary of Mr. J being diagnosed with a brain tumor. We needed to celebrate life. Celebrate Mr. J still being alive. Celebrate G almost being finished with chemotheraphy. And secondarily celebrate my promotion.

It was a perfect night. We had out own private room with a round table. We could converse and enjoy one another's company-- which we did. We were missing 4 people, but the rest of us had a splendid time. Mom and Dad are still talking about it today.

Though it has been a rough week, to say the least, it ended well.

Life is Good!

Celebrating Mr. J's Life

Ten years ago this weekend, on a beautiful Sunday afternoon much like today, I tried to coax my

October 2003

nephew, Mr. J, to go for a walk down to the school playground. Usually it didn't take much effort to get him to go outside and play. But that day he didn't want to go; he wanted to sit next to his mom with his head in her lap. When I asked why he didn't want to go, he couldn't give a reason-- just didn't want to.

In the previous few weeks Mr. J had been acting differently-- not being able to see the bottle of soap in the bathroom to wash his hands; incontinence; stumbling as he got on the school bus; needing help to zip up his pants. The pediatrician attributed it to separation anxiety since he just started kindergarten.

Call it a mother's intuition, a hunch, or whatever you want, but my sister knew something was wrong. And that afternoon so did my mom and I. We sat in the living room with tears welling up in our eyes, trying not to cry.

As I drove home that night, leaving I-84 and crossing on to I-80 toward Park City, I had the thought come to me that it was too late to develop my faith in God. I either believed that God lived and He would hear and answer our prayers and help Mr. J, or I didn't.

In the ensuing days, weeks, months, and years I have never prayed for anything so hard as I did for Mr. J.

The next morning when I got to my office I called my sister. I told her that I knew she was the mom, but there was something really wrong with Justin and she needed to call Dr. Sandy Friden. He was a family member and my parent's doctor. I knew that we could get in to see Sandy, soon! Mom called Sandy's office and got an appointment for later that morning. Within minutes of Mr. J being in his office, Sandy knew what was wrong. He sent my sister back to the hospital in Logan for more tests. Before she got home there was a message that Mr. J had fluid on the brain. Sandy had also scheduled an appointment with a neurologist at Primary Children's Medical Center (PCMC) for the next day. On Wednesday Mr. J had the first of two major brain surgeries for a brain tumor. His only question for the surgeon was whether he was going to take out all of his brain. Five year old innocence!

Mr. J also went through two rounds of chemotherapy, experienced a major seizure, had to take medicine to slow down his growth, and endured countless visits to the oncology unit at PCMC. Finally this year they told him to come back "in a year" for his next scan. Woot. Woot. The day we have been waiting for.

Fortunately, Mr. J doesn't remember much of what happened. And for the most part, he is a typical teenager, though more pensive and quiet. He was forced to grow up before his time. He has a scar on his head that is visible because he keeps his hair really short. Once in a while kids will ask what the scar is for. He responds nonchalantly that he had surgery. Missing the nearly the first year of kindergarten has made school challenging for Mr. J.  He works really hard for the grades he gets. He doesn't have vision below his eyes-- for example as I type this I can see my hands though I am looking at the screen. He can't do that. But we don't know if that is a result of the tumor or if it was always that way.

July 2013

Mr. J is extremely talented in art and music. He plays the piano by ear; he can transpose piano music for his viola. He can draw almost anything. And he is extremely sensitive and caring.

I love all my nieces and nephews like they are my own children. I am so grateful for God's tender mercies and kindnesses. So grateful that Mr. J is still with us. I love him.

In a couple of weeks we are going to have a celebration of life. We will celebrate Mr. J's ten year anniversary. We we also celebrate the fact that my sister-in-law G. is almost finished with chemotherapy for breast cancer. I now pray daily for her, that she will be healed, that she will have the strength to endure this trial.

Life is good. The gospel of Jesus Christ brings peace and comfort in time of sorrow and heartache. So grateful for my testimony of the Savior.

Life is Good!

Patterns

During a visit to my sister's house this summer, we stopped at a fabric store and saw this cute pattern for a table topper.  I decided that I wanted to make one with blues and whites for my office. It has been quite the process-- and I was reminded along the way about the importance of following patterns.

I had to cut out strips, hexagons, and triangles. I ordered a 60 degree triangle from E-Bay because I couldn't find one in the store. This project was getting expensive!

Last night I started sewing the triangles to the hexagons. I THOUGHT I was following the directions exactly. But apparently I wasn't. Because when I tried to sew two hexagons together, nothing matched up. I went to bed frustrated.

This morning I decided to mock up two hexagons with some scrap fabric. I FINALLY got the seams to match up.

 

Then I started trying to find out where I went wrong. The only thing I could figure is that I sewed the triangles on WRONG. The 60 degree triangle has a blunt end at the top. The instructions were about how to attach the triangles with the blunt end facing a certain direction.

The WRONG Way... See the two "tails" at the bottom?

The RIGHT Way... One Tail at the top, the  other at the bottom.

So I un-picked 12 hexagons

And FINALLY it worked correctly.

The almost finished product. I was on my way to the fabric store to get some warm and natural batting when the storm clouds rolled in and it rained harder than I've ever seen in Utah-- I felt like I was in the mid-west or south. So the final product will have to wait for another day.

As I worked on this project, I thought about Elder Holland's talk where he shared "The Parable of the Homemade Shirt." I was reminded again why it is important to follow God's pattern for life.

"My mother, bless her, was a marvelous seamstress. In my childhood years, when money was short and new clothing hard to come by, she would sometimes make clothing for us to wear to school. I would see a shirt in a store window or in a mail-order catalogue, and my mother would say, “I think I can make that.” By looking at the shirt as closely as she could, she would then cut cloth and put in seams to a degree that was close to the expensive original. 

I pay her the tribute of being both willing and able to do that. But she didn’t like to do it that way. While she could study the commercial product and come close, what she really wanted was a pattern. A pattern helped her anticipate angles and corners and seams and stitches that were otherwise hard to recognize. Furthermore, if she went back for a second or a third shirt, she was always working from a perfect original pattern, not repeating or multiplying the imperfections of a replica. 

I think you can see my point and hers. We are bound to be in trouble if a shirt is made from a shirt that was made from a shirt. A mistake or two in the first product—inevitable without a pattern—gets repeated and exaggerated, intensified, more awkward, the more repetitions we make, until finally this thing I’m to wear to school just doesn’t fit. One sleeve’s too long. The other’s too short. One shoulder seam runs down my chest. The other runs down my back. And the front collar button fastens behind my neck. I can tell you right now that such a look is not going to go over well in the seventh grade.

Now, I hope this helps you understand why we talk about the pattern, the ideal, of marriage and family when we know full well that not everyone now lives in that ideal circumstance. It is precisely because many don’t have, or perhaps have never even seen, that ideal and because some cultural forces steadily move us away from that ideal, that we speak about what our Father in Heaven wishes for us in His eternal plan for His children.

Individual adaptations have to be made as marital status and family circumstances differ. But all of us can agree on the pattern as it comes from God, and we can strive for its realization the best way we can. 

We who are General Authorities and general officers are called to teach His general rules. You and we then lead specific lives and must seek the Lord’s guidance regarding specific circumstances. But there would be mass confusion and loss of gospel promises if no general ideal and no doctrinal standard were established and, in our case today, repeated. We take great strength in knowing the Lord has spoken on these matters, and we accept His counsel even when it might not be popular.

Life Is Good.

Dreams

I have been thinking a lot about DREAMS. I am not talking about nocturnal dreams-- though that would be pretty entertaining as I have some pretty interesting, bizarre, nonsensical dreams. I'm talking about aspirations.

With my recent promotion to full-professor and my release as Relief Society president, I have found myself with lots of extra time on my hands and asking myself, "now what?" I have spent all of my adult life working toward something. Finding myself at this crossroads, I am wondering about what is next.

I categorize dreams as falling in to one of four categories:

1- Dreams of the woman I want to become. In 2001, Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, gave a talk to the young women entitled "How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream." In this talk he gives advice centered around personal character and associated virtues. I dream that one day I will be filled with charity.

2- Dreams of what I want to do. This is my "Bucket List." There are places I want to go and activities I want to participate in. On my Bucket List is a trip to Scandinavia to see where my ancestors lived. A Yankees game and walk through Central Park got crossed off my Bucket List this year.

3- Dreams of what I want to achieve. This relates to my career and developing talents. In the same talk by Pres. Hinckley he said: 

“Choose the things you would like to do, and educate yourselves to be effective in their pursuit...Study your options. Pray to the Lord earnestly for direction. Then pursue your course with resolution... The whole gamut of human endeavor is now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set your mind to it. You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution to the world in which she will be a part.”  

I don't know that I ever thought "my dream is to be a..." I did know that I wanted a masters degree and eventually a PhD. Check.

From the time she started elementary school, my niece, Ms. K, has wanted to be a veterinarian. I told her she can become anything she wants to become.
 
4- Dreams of life circumstances. In the musical Les Miz, Fantine laments, "I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living." My life isn't hell, but it is definitely different than the life I thought I would live. I believed that eventually I would get married and have children. That did not happen.

My grandmother married my grandfather, a widow of less than a year with three children. His first wife was my grandmother's sister. On her deathbed, the sister called my grandmother in.  Though she never verbalized it, my grandmother felt that she wanted to ask her to become the mother to her children. I wonder if my grandmother had dreams of a different life-- one where she didn't live in a shadow.

This morning I met with a female student to discuss careers and graduate school. She is a bright and talented young woman with a passion for public health. She has dreams. It was a delightful conversation. As she was leaving, she made the comment that her boyfriend/soon-to-be fiance will probably make a lot of money and she won't have to work. And then she said she may not end up going to graduate school because he will definitely go to grad school and she will probably work. "That's how it is in this culture," she said. I was sad.

I completely agree with The Family: A Proclamation to the World. A woman's primary responsibility is that of being a mother. What I don't agree with is that educational pursuits and motherhood have to be mutually exclusive categories. Too many people think if you do one then you cannot do the other. It's not true. What if you made arrangments so that both of you went to graduate school? You could always go to graduate school once your kids are in school too.

The more education you have, the more opportunities will be open to you. And honestly, you just don't know what life will bring. What if your spouse dies? What if he is disabled and cannot work? What if he dies? What if, economically, you cannot make it on one salary? This is REALITY. Education can prepare you for life's unexpected twists and turns.

Having said all of that, I wonder, at what point do you put your dreams on the shelf?  There have been recent news articles about two professional football athletes: Austin Collie and Tim Tebow, both who have dreams of playing in the NFL. Collie was recently cut by the SF 49ers. The newspaper columnist said it may have been a "favor"-- saving him from life threatening concussions. Tim Tebow was let go by the New England Patriots. Pundits and others think that his career is over; he has had his chance to prove himself. Tim says he is going to continue to pursue his dream of playing in the NFL.


So, I wonder.... when do you put your dreams on the shelf? If you do, will they ever come down? My dream of being a mother is on the shelf. Biologically, it isn't a reality. I see it staying permanently on the shelf.

When you have checked off your dreams off your list, do you start a new list? Should I be creating a new "to achieve" list or just enjoy the ride? I am praying for guidance.

I don't know the answers. I do know that life is good!

Dream Job

Once upon a time I thought my dream job was to travel the world and be a restaurant critic.

I've changed my mind.

I just finished reading "Garlic and Sapphires. The Secret Life of  Restaurant Critic" by Ruth Reichl.

Having to eat out ALL THE TIME doesn't sound so appealing. When I go out now, it is a treat, and I really enjoy it. But day after day. No thanks. I'd rather cook.

The book will not make it on the top of my "best ever read" list. Truthfully, I skipped parts. Reichl talks about the elaborate costumes she used as disguises when she went out to eat. Her descriptions were almost unbelievable. In the acknowledgements she admits to exaggerating in places. I believe it.

She comes across as condescending and better than most everyone else, including colleagues at the TIMES. This line from the book reflects her personality, as I perceived her from my reading. She writes "Everyone else treated me as if I were the Princess of New York and here was this guy reminding me that he was my boss, that I served at his pleasure. It made me prickle with irritation." Apparently she was treated as a princess when she was recognized as the food critic. Her observations confirmed to me the poor treatment that I get when I eat out as a single person when I'm on business trips.

So for now, I won't quit my day job to become a restaurant critic.

Tomorrow classes start. I'm looking forward to a great semester.

Life is Good.

"This is Where I Belong"

Tomorrow I begin year 14 at BYU. I still remember my first day at BYU, walking across campus to the Brewster building to get keys to my office, my stomach filled with butterflies. I wondered what in the world I had gotten myself into.  I have continued to wonder for many years.

End of first year at BYU with my mentor and friend

 When I decided to pursue a PhD, BYU was not on my radar screen.  I longed to leave the state and have a grand adventure. And then BYU  came calling. When you talk to new faculty members about how they came to join the ranks at BYU, many will tell a magnificent faith promoting event. Or some will say they were here as a student and always wanted to come back. For me, neither applied. It took a lot of prayer before I decided that I should accept the offer. I can't tell you why I did it, other than it felt like the right thing to do.

I continued to been filled with wanderlust. I spent a year in ATL, on sabbatical, and loved it. It renewed my desire for another adventure. But here I stayed.

Several years ago I saw this wall hanging as part of kitchen photo spread in a magazine (probably Southern Living-- that's the only magazine I read). So when I saw it on a trip to the East coast, I had to buy it. I toted it with me for 10 days of a bus tour.

Tonight I found it sitting beside my bookcase, collecting dust. I didn't feel like this is where I belonged so it never went on my wall for more than a few months, if that.

However, for the first time in 14 years I feel that "This Is Where I Belong." I have been reviewing my old journals. I am reminded of blessings, opportunities, and spiritual experiences. I have a list of about 15 very significant events, none of which would have occurred had I not started and continued at BYU. And most of them have nothing to do with my performance in the classroom.

I know that, as Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, "God is in the details of your life; He does the choreography." I wonder what else He has in store.

Life is good.

"Life is too Short to Waste Calories on Bad Food"

My dream job is to travel the world and be a restaurant critic.

When I mentioned this to Sandra during Christie and Chad's wedding luncheon, she told me about Ruth Reichl, former food/restaurant critic for the LA Times and NY Times. 

The next day as I was making a B-line through the BYU bookstore to purchase a new journal, I paused for a moment to see what they had displayed as "top sellers" and "staff picks." To my left the name "Reichl" caught my eye. I picked up the book "Garlic and Sapphires. The Secret Life of a Critic in Disguise" and knew immediately that I had to purchase it.

That night after returning home from a Dallyn Bayles concert (which by the way was phenomenal) I stayed up much too late reading. The words on the page captured my attention within the first few sentences. I was hooked. Reading her description of food is almost as good as being there and eating it yourself. Despite having no photos at all, it is like you are right there with her eating the meal. You can picture each piece of food; each restaurant. How did I miss her all these years?

I've decided that if I am going to be a restaurant critic, I've got to start thinking about foods in more descriptive words. And that means slowing down and taking time to really savor what I am eating. The weight loss researchers would call this "mindful eating." Writing this way is not easy for me because it is the opposite of how I write for research publications in my current job-- professor, not  restaurant critic.

So where do I start? How about a review of Christie and Chad's wedding cake(s). Had I been thinking about writing a description of these cakes, I would have paid more attention and ate more slowly. But instead I inhaled one (or possibly two) pieces, and a taste of three others, during a brief respite of clearing tables. My FitBit said I had walked 12K steps that day, so I felt justified. These calories were definitely worth it.

Instead of a traditional wedding cake, Christie chose 10 cakes with 5 different flavors. Brilliant idea. She special ordered the cakes from Whole Foods. This chocolate cake with raspberry filling is on the top of my "Best Thing I Ever Ate" list. It is right up there with the gnocchi with mushroom sauce at Trattoria Marione in Florence and butternut squash ravioli at Giacomo's in Boston.

 Fresh fruit is piled on the top of each cake. Raspberries were as large as your thumb, oozing with juice, taking me back to my sister's raspberry patch in mid-July. The chocolate cake was dense, but moist, definitely from scratch; not a Betty Crocker $1.79 mix. Creamy raspberry filling separated the three layers. The outside was coated with vanilla frosting; it had to be buttercream. The frosting wasn't too sweet and it definitely did not leave a coating of Crisco in the roof of your mouth.

I may have to order one of these for our next "Single Sista's" party. We may have to invite Christie, though she no longer meets the criteria.

Back to reading.

Life is Good.

What is of Most Worth?

In April, my mom's brother passed away, leaving her the only surviving member of her immediate family. A prompting by a couple of grand-nephews who want to know more about their grandfather,

my mom has started going through a trunk she inherited from her mother. The trunk is filled with family history.

A couple of weeks ago Mom and I were talking about family history and what documents and stories we should keep. She admitted to shredding some papers that she didn't think held value and if anything might cause hard feelings with someone, somewhere. Another brother had written some memories, not necessarily pleasant, but true, and she wondered if she should keep those.

Last week I was having a conversation with my friend Ms. A about family history. She is really great at writing stories. She said that the went through her journal, picked out the most important stories and shredded everything else.  I came home, found a journal from junior high, and decided that Ms. A had some sage advice.

And then a few days ago I was reading in the Book of Mormon. Nephi said "Wherefore, I shall give commandment unto my seed, that they shall not occupy these plates with things which are not of worth unto the children of men." (1 Nephi 6:6).

As a result, I've been thinking about what is of "worth" when it comes to journals and family history. 

I am about to start my 20th journal. I've joked that I want these journals buried with me. I decided that I don't have the time, or energy, to read through all those pages, pull out the important stories and shred the rest; though part of me really likes that idea.

The other part of me wonders if by only telling stories we are leaving out vital details that help us understand and know a person. For example, my grandmother married my grandfather, a widow with 3 young children. I think it was a marriage of necessity more than love. His first wife was my grandmother's sister; the two women were close. I wish I had journals written by my grandmother. What was life like? What were her feelings as a new bride and mother? I know she shared those with my mother, but my mother doesn't talk about it.

There is a story about a time that my grandmother did a lot of baking, including making delicious cinnamon rolls, while the men were out deer hunting. Grandma had to go out and do the "chores" (i.e., milk the cows) and when she got back, all the food was gone. They didn't save her "one single cinnamon roll."  Mom says "she (grandma) really felt bad that day." I'm sure she did. I just wish I could read it in her own words.

So, as I begin my 20th journal, I'm trying to decide what is of "worth" to write. Do I only write stories. Do I stop writing down my feelings, including joys and frustrations?  I am writing a separate document with my stories, mainly because I would rather have those written by me instead of someone trying to re-create my life after I am dead (that is assuming that anyone would be interested in embarking on such an adventure).  Jill's recent blog post, "How Do You Want to Be Remembered" has also got me thinking about what things I want to write down and be remembered for.

I don't have the answer.

Life is good.