With my recent promotion to full-professor and my release as Relief Society president, I have found myself with lots of extra time on my hands and asking myself, "now what?" I have spent all of my adult life working toward something. Finding myself at this crossroads, I am wondering about what is next.
I categorize dreams as falling in to one of four categories:
1- Dreams of the woman I want to become. In 2001, Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley, former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, gave a talk to the young women entitled "How Can I Become the Woman of Whom I Dream." In this talk he gives advice centered around personal character and associated virtues. I dream that one day I will be filled with charity.
2- Dreams of what I want to do. This is my "Bucket List." There are places I want to go and activities I want to participate in. On my Bucket List is a trip to Scandinavia to see where my ancestors lived. A Yankees game and walk through Central Park got crossed off my Bucket List this year.
3- Dreams of what I want to achieve. This relates to my career and developing talents. In the same talk by Pres. Hinckley he said:
“Choose
the things you would like to do, and educate yourselves to be effective in
their pursuit...Study your options. Pray to the Lord earnestly for direction.
Then pursue your course with resolution... The whole gamut of human endeavor is
now open to women. There is not anything that you cannot do if you will set
your mind to it. You can include in the dream of the woman you would like to be
a picture of one qualified to serve society and make a significant contribution
to the world in which she will be a part.”
From the time she started elementary school, my niece, Ms. K, has wanted to be a veterinarian. I told her she can become anything she wants to become.
4- Dreams of life circumstances. In the musical Les Miz, Fantine laments, "I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living." My life isn't hell, but it is definitely different than the life I thought I would live. I believed that eventually I would get married and have children. That did not happen.
My grandmother married my grandfather, a widow of less than a year with three children. His first wife was my grandmother's sister. On her deathbed, the sister called my grandmother in. Though she never verbalized it, my grandmother felt that she wanted to ask her to become the mother to her children. I wonder if my grandmother had dreams of a different life-- one where she didn't live in a shadow.
This morning I met with a female student to discuss careers and graduate school. She is a bright and talented young woman with a passion for public health. She has dreams. It was a delightful conversation. As she was leaving, she made the comment that her boyfriend/soon-to-be fiance will probably make a lot of money and she won't have to work. And then she said she may not end up going to graduate school because he will definitely go to grad school and she will probably work. "That's how it is in this culture," she said. I was sad.
I completely agree with The Family: A Proclamation to the World. A woman's primary responsibility is that of being a mother. What I don't agree with is that educational pursuits and motherhood have to be mutually exclusive categories. Too many people think if you do one then you cannot do the other. It's not true. What if you made arrangments so that both of you went to graduate school? You could always go to graduate school once your kids are in school too.
The more education you have, the more opportunities will be open to you. And honestly, you just don't know what life will bring. What if your spouse dies? What if he is disabled and cannot work? What if he dies? What if, economically, you cannot make it on one salary? This is REALITY. Education can prepare you for life's unexpected twists and turns.
Having said all of that, I wonder, at what point do you put your dreams on the shelf? There have been recent news articles about two professional football athletes: Austin Collie and Tim Tebow, both who have dreams of playing in the NFL. Collie was recently cut by the SF 49ers. The newspaper columnist said it may have been a "favor"-- saving him from life threatening concussions. Tim Tebow was let go by the New England Patriots. Pundits and others think that his career is over; he has had his chance to prove himself. Tim says he is going to continue to pursue his dream of playing in the NFL.
So, I wonder.... when do you put your dreams on the shelf? If you do, will they ever come down? My dream of being a mother is on the shelf. Biologically, it isn't a reality. I see it staying permanently on the shelf.
When you have checked off your dreams off your list, do you start a new list? Should I be creating a new "to achieve" list or just enjoy the ride? I am praying for guidance.
I don't know the answers. I do know that life is good!
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