It’s Okay to Not be Good at Some Things

July 16, 2013-- It’s Okay to Not be Good at Some Things

After I was released as Relief Society president I was immediately called to teach the 5-year-olds in Primary. I have never served in Primary. I have no children. My youngest sibling is about 6 years younger than me. Truthfully, I never liked babysitting. I teach adults all day long. I know nothing about teaching children.

One Sunday I came home and wrote in my journal that my lesson that day was a disaster with a capital D. I'm happy to report that during the last few months it has gotten easier; the kids are adorable. How can you not love 5-year-olds who think you are amazing and want to hold your hand and walk with you to class?

Although teaching the class has improved, I have since been moved to teach the 9-year-olds. This is much easier. It's only been a couple of weeks, but no Disasters as of yet.

However, in the process of learning to teach kids, I had an ah-ha moment. Teaching 5-year-olds is not my strength. It never has been and never will be. And that is OK. There are reasons that people like my friend Sherry are kindergarten teachers. They thrive spending their day with little people. I am grateful for people like that. I don't enjoy it. And it's not my strength. And that is OK. I don't have to be good at everything.

I had this same ah-ha moment this weekend as I spent time with my extended family at a charity softball tournament. Some of these cousins are excellent athletes; some even played competitively in college; some are coaches. Me- I am the nerdy girl in the Ponytail Softball League picture at age 10 who is wearing a white sweater over her shirt. 

 This picture screams "nerd." 

 Team TNT 2013

I admit I have never been a good athlete; I'm an enthusiastic spectator. I try to play with the family;  I'm terrible at it. My 11 year old niece told me that I am a terrible thrower. I agreed. I told her that I was a university professor, not a softball player. And that is OK. I will never be good at playing sports. I tried basketball in junior high. I wasn't very good at that either.  

Pretending to play catcher

In addition to not being a magnificent teacher of children, or an accomplished athlete, there are several things I'm not good at. I am not a good seamstress; I don't really enjoy sewing. I am not a good gardener; my garden spot this year is a weed patch. I can pluck out a few hymns on the piano, but I am not good enough to play in public. I played the flute in high school, and was pretty good, but haven't picked up an instrument in over 27 years.

This weekend as I felt like a failure (though I did get a hit when I was up to bat), I had to remind myself that while I am terrible at sports, I have other strengths. I'm really good at hosting family dinners; people like coming to my house. I do a fairly good job at public speaking (I'm going to teach Relief Society at the Missionary Training Center this coming Sunday). I am a pretty good cook. I can make pretty tasty Sunday dinner rolls. And I just made these yummy muffins for the young women who are at camp this week.

Years ago I read a book called "Soar with your Strengths." The premise of the book is that you focus on what you do really well and manage your weaknesses. If you do this, you are more likely to succeed. Thinking that we should focus on getting better at what we are bad at seems to stem from two places 1) we look at others and see what they do well and think that we should be the same, 2) we learn through observation. I learned from observing my mother that I should be a good seamstress, gardener, and cook. Um... I'm one of those three things. And for years I've felt guilt for not being better at the others, and mostly for not wanting to spend the time learning how to be better at them. 

So, as a mid-year resolution, I am going to focus on what I do well and get better at doing those things. I'm not going to try and get better at what I'm not good at in the first place. I am also letting go of all the associated guilt. Focusing on improving my weaknesses would only result in mediocre performance and little enjoyment on my end.

Life is good.

Career by Circumstance, Not by Choice

There are two things in life that I am passionate about: 1) education for women, and 2) the gospel of Jesus Christ. Therefore, my interest was piqued when I recently read about an organization/blog that is focused on supporting aspiring Mormon women in their educational and professional pursuits. It sounded like something that would resonate with me. I don't recall anyone ever talking to me about graduate school. As a result, I try to encourage women to consider more formal education.

Many female students I talk to see their education as a way to pass the time until prince charming comes along. Once he finishes medical, dental, or law school then she will stay home, raise children, and they will live happily ever after. There are very few women I know who have not at some point in their life needed to supplement the family income. That is just plain economics in the 21st century. So if you are going to work, make it worth your time. Get paid for what you are worth. Education opens more doors and opportunities for you than you would have otherwise. Education gives you choices for when and how you work. It's liberating and empowering.

As I've read some of the blogs posts for this organization, as well as posts on another site that features Mormon women, I've noticed a common thread--the women who write on these sites seem to see their desire for and pursuit of education and subsequent employment as a "calling." While they enjoy motherhood, some more than others, they feel that they were meant to do something more with their life. They are driven and passionate about what they do.

This has caused me to pause and reflect on my own career path. I certainly don't feel like being a professor is what I was "meant to do" with my life. I never pictured myself as a career woman. It just kind of happened. After 22 years of professional life, I'd have to say-- it's been a fabulous journey. I've had experiences that I would have never imaged. However, to be truthful, I would give up my career in a heart beat to be a mother. Part of me wonders if I had married at age 20 or 21, or even 25, would I still feel the same? If I had 2 or 3 or 4 kids would I be trying to find ways to stay connected professionally? I'll never know.

What I do know is that I have been abundantly blessed in my career. I was 29 when I decided that if I was going to work for the rest of my life (and at that point in time the likelihood seemed high) then I wanted to do something I really liked. It wasn't that I didn't like public health-- I didn't like administration and that is where I was headed. I distinctly remember the day I decided that I was going to go back to school and earn a PhD. After I had finished my master's degree, I told my mother that if I ever thought about going back to school that she should tie me to the bed. I started classes before I told her I was pursuing a doctorate.


So, I feel that my career was more a result of circumstance and less about a conscious choice like these women I am reading about on these blogs. But in a way, maybe it was my choice. I could have stayed at the health department, doing what I was doing, and with advancement hit the ceiling fairly soon. But I chose to get a PhD and move to the university. Looking back, it was a good move. However, if I knew then what I know now, I would have done things differently. I guess that is another reason I feel passionate about talking to women about education-- I want so help them launch their career, wherever that may take them, even if it is to a chair at the kitchen table helping children with homework instead of a chair at the boardroom table making seemingly important decisions.