"Though I'd never be a mother, I felt like one"

There is a song on the Forgotten Carols soundtrack called "Mary Let Me Hold her Baby." The lyrics include the phrase, "Though I'd never be a mother, I felt like one"

That's kind of how I've felt this week.

I had a student from last semester stop by my office. In the course of our conversation, I came to the realization that her mother was just a year older than me and that we went to high school together. I suddenly felt OLD! REALLY OLD! I couldn't possibly be old enough to be her mother. But I am.

Maybe I don't feel old enough because I haven't had milestone events with my own children to mark the passage of time. So even though the years tick by and birthdays come and go, I don't feel as old as what the years indicate.

But this week I kind of felt like a mom, or rather felt the feelings a mom might have. This year my niece has been a freshman at BYU. Yes, technically, I am old enough to be her mother. However, she feels more like a counterpart and friend than a daughter. Having her here has been the greatest blessing in my life. It has filled my heart with joy and given meaning to my life.



We go to devotional each Tuesday at 11:00 and to dinner one night a week. As we talk, she has told me about the events of school, adjusting to roommates, learning from professors, applying for jobs, staying up late, and so forth. I find myself hoping that everything turns out perfect for her. I know it won't, because that is how life is-- "life is not fair" as my mother told me. But I still want it to be perfect for her; to save her from disappointments and heartaches and make sure she gets the best of everything BYU has to offer. When she feels hurt I am sad; when she is happy, I am ecstatic too.

Aunt Donna, who really wasn't my aunt but my mom's best friend from her college days, once told me that she had a good life, but she wouldn't want me to have it. She had never married, yet had been the influence for good in the lives of so many people, including our family. She encouraged me to be social and do what I could to have the opportunity for marriage. At the time, I didn't quite understand what she meant. But now I do. I guess these feelings from Aunt Donna and Me are part of the nurturing, mother heart in each of us regardless of our station in life.

So, Though I'd never be a mother, this week, I've felt like one.