Mothers and Mothering

In Church today, one of the speakers encouraged us to write our own Mother's Day talk- including our feelings, experiences, and perspectives. Here is the first part of what my talk would include...

“Who is flying with you back to Georgia?” my four-year-old niece, Katie, inquired as she sat on my lap, intensely focused on painting my fingernails purple. I was living in Atlanta for a year, on a temporary leave from my job at Brigham Young University. “Nobody,” I replied. “I am going by myself.” “Will you cry?” Katie asked. “I will cry when I say goodbye to you tonight,” I replied. “Do you have a picture of us?” Katie queried. Yes, I had plenty of pictures. As a woman with no children of my own, I have strived to become the “favorite aunt” of six nieces and nephews.

One of our primary roles as women is that of being a mother. When we speak of being a mother there are generally two facets that emerge: mothering and motherhood. Mothering tends be described as what we do as women as manifest in acts of nurturing, teaching, loving, and guiding. Mothering opportunities are available to everyone regardless of age or marital status. Personally, I have been blessed with a multitude of mothering moments through my service in church callings, associations with friends, and my work with university students. I have also been the recipient of mothering by women other than my mother.

Here are two mothering moments I recall. When my niece was 11 years old I took her to Hawaii on vacation. One day while driving along the shore, we saw a wedding ceremony on the beach. We talked about the importance of a temple marriage and how it compared to the beach wedding. In 2003, my sister’s five-year-old son, had a brain tumor and underwent two major surgeries and a year of chemotherapy. I love him with all my heart. I have shared mothering moments with him. I cried when I heard of his brain tumor diagnosis. The night following his first brain surgery was a restless one. The next morning the nurses asked my brother-in-law if my nephew knew a person named “Rosemary.” He replied, yes, that it was his aunt. The nurse indicated that throughout the night my nephew thought that I was there with him.

I believe we should speak confidently of motherhood. At times people may be reluctant to talk about motherhood with the fear that a childless woman may be offended or mothers will be filled with guilt over their inadequacies and shortcomings. That should not be the case. Motherhood is an important, noble, divine calling. Women need to receive support, love, validation, and reinforcement as they strive to magnify their call as mothers.

I also believe we should speak more often about mothering. Mothering is a behavior that spans a lifetime. You do not need to be a mother to do it-- many women have never given birth but still practice mothering. My friend Karrie’s mother passed away when she was a young adult, before she was married. Throughout her life, she has been the recipient of mothering from women around the world. As a young bride, the Tongan women in the Hawaiian Islands taught Karrie how to love. This mothering has blessed not only Karrie’s life, but also those with whom she associates and serves. Indeed, our collective mothering efforts contribute to the character development and testimony of those within our circle of influence. Therefore, we should consider speaking more frequently not only of motherhood, but also about mothering and its impact on our lives. We should celebrate mothering as often and with as much jubilation as we do motherhood.